A Facebook Message that I sent to a Beautiful Facebook Friend
well then I Love You, since you love me so much...lol..jk
I have drowned myself in so much alcohol and drugs, and had my hand on razors so many time, with tears dripping from my eyes, breaking into cold sweats, trying to figure out what the hell is my life all about...never been intimate with a woman, never been kissed, miserable story after miserable story...I'm tired of going over my own miserable life...tell me about your life and how wonderful it is, tell me about all the great dogs you have saved and cared for and still do, tell me about those days, when you are by yourself, and the sun hit's your blonde hair and makes it shine like gold, and you smile....you adding on to an already Beautiful day.
Tell me about your favorite horror movie, your favorite color...if you ever had a ramen kind of day..lol...or if you ever had one of those nights, where you automatically think to yourself..I want ice cream.
the last time you had a good cry, who's your favorite football team.
the last time a man held your hand, sitting on a bench, talking about the stress of the world, silly fart jokes and making prank calls to pizza hut, telling them we'd like an order of everything and deliver it to the sewers where the Ninja Turtles live..then you laugh so hard, you cry a little...then stare into his eyes...and at that singular second...something happens...the synapses in your brain fire up, your heart starts beating fast, your stomach churns...but the stars are shining brighter than ever, the moon literally lights up the sky...a sudden breeze blows over you, cooling you down just a bit...then he goes in for the kiss, the kiss that just melt you away...and in your mind, the planets align, and that all reclusive spark that everyone talks about, that flies when moments such as that arises, and you catch your breath as he backs away from the kiss to see your reaction, and you smile at him...when's the last time that happened to you..tell me everything, I want to know...so when it happens to me, I'll know how to react.
I guess you might know a thing or two about loneliness, but to me, it's constant...I have my family, my friends, people who care about me, but I never ever experienced the one thing that the human body craves for when it comes to an age where it's most rampant...all guys think about it, it's documented that we think about it every other second, but in my mind, I think about it in a completely different light....i guess I'm an exception...I fantasize about holding hands with a woman, kissing, hugging...smelling her perfume, lying in bed, watching Godzilla Vs King Kong on dvd..lol..holding each other in our arms...listening to slow jams from the 60's. that's what I fantasize about...i do fantasize about the other stuff, but a good 85% is mostly about love.
if it exist, I just listen to everybody else as they say the same thing over and over, "don't worry, there's somebody out there for you"
where?...is she in Alaska?..the Ukraine?...is she older than me, younger than me? will she make me happy, like how I would try my very best to make her happy. I take the time to ponder on those questions.
but here I am, sitting, typing, dreaming, questioning...yeah...living day by day on the phrase "We're Just Friends"....that's all I have ever gotten...only slow danced once, but the chick was drunk...so It didn't count as a memory that should be cherished by me, a memory that would be considered to be filed in the library labeled "Good Memories With women that made you feel like a Man"...that library is empty, only one, when I was 8, Arilyle Decambra held my hand and smiled at me as we walked back to class from Lunch, for no reason, she just out of the blue, held my hand, and smiled, and we held hands for 3 minutes...that's the only one up there, next to the cobwebs and dust.
I'm sorry, I'm ranting...utilizing you as an outlet...my apologize...hope it makes for a good monday night read though..
The Fat Man Memoirs..lol
well then I Love You, since you love me so much...lol..jk
I have drowned myself in so much alcohol and drugs, and had my hand on razors so many time, with tears dripping from my eyes, breaking into cold sweats, trying to figure out what the hell is my life all about...never been intimate with a woman, never been kissed, miserable story after miserable story...I'm tired of going over my own miserable life...tell me about your life and how wonderful it is, tell me about all the great dogs you have saved and cared for and still do, tell me about those days, when you are by yourself, and the sun hit's your blonde hair and makes it shine like gold, and you smile....you adding on to an already Beautiful day.
Tell me about your favorite horror movie, your favorite color...if you ever had a ramen kind of day..lol...or if you ever had one of those nights, where you automatically think to yourself..I want ice cream.
the last time you had a good cry, who's your favorite football team.
the last time a man held your hand, sitting on a bench, talking about the stress of the world, silly fart jokes and making prank calls to pizza hut, telling them we'd like an order of everything and deliver it to the sewers where the Ninja Turtles live..then you laugh so hard, you cry a little...then stare into his eyes...and at that singular second...something happens...the synapses in your brain fire up, your heart starts beating fast, your stomach churns...but the stars are shining brighter than ever, the moon literally lights up the sky...a sudden breeze blows over you, cooling you down just a bit...then he goes in for the kiss, the kiss that just melt you away...and in your mind, the planets align, and that all reclusive spark that everyone talks about, that flies when moments such as that arises, and you catch your breath as he backs away from the kiss to see your reaction, and you smile at him...when's the last time that happened to you..tell me everything, I want to know...so when it happens to me, I'll know how to react.
I guess you might know a thing or two about loneliness, but to me, it's constant...I have my family, my friends, people who care about me, but I never ever experienced the one thing that the human body craves for when it comes to an age where it's most rampant...all guys think about it, it's documented that we think about it every other second, but in my mind, I think about it in a completely different light....i guess I'm an exception...I fantasize about holding hands with a woman, kissing, hugging...smelling her perfume, lying in bed, watching Godzilla Vs King Kong on dvd..lol..holding each other in our arms...listening to slow jams from the 60's. that's what I fantasize about...i do fantasize about the other stuff, but a good 85% is mostly about love.
if it exist, I just listen to everybody else as they say the same thing over and over, "don't worry, there's somebody out there for you"
where?...is she in Alaska?..the Ukraine?...is she older than me, younger than me? will she make me happy, like how I would try my very best to make her happy. I take the time to ponder on those questions.
but here I am, sitting, typing, dreaming, questioning...yeah...living day by day on the phrase "We're Just Friends"....that's all I have ever gotten...only slow danced once, but the chick was drunk...so It didn't count as a memory that should be cherished by me, a memory that would be considered to be filed in the library labeled "Good Memories With women that made you feel like a Man"...that library is empty, only one, when I was 8, Arilyle Decambra held my hand and smiled at me as we walked back to class from Lunch, for no reason, she just out of the blue, held my hand, and smiled, and we held hands for 3 minutes...that's the only one up there, next to the cobwebs and dust.
I'm sorry, I'm ranting...utilizing you as an outlet...my apologize...hope it makes for a good monday night read though..
The Fat Man Memoirs..lol
Rc Javier is going to SOJA @ Maui Arts & Cultural Center - Kahului, HI — 19 April in Maui Arts & Cultural Center.
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