Sunny afternoon at a local bank, a stoned man lies under a tree in the parking lot, security is called to escort the man off the property
Security Guard:Sir, I'm sorry but you can't be here, this is private property sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Stoner:Who's Property is this?
Security Guard: The Banks
Stoner:This is a free country man!
Security Guard:yeah, but you can't be here.
Stoner:you can't be here, I can't be here, the whole world can't be here, but I'm here man...I got my foot firm on the ground man, a child of the Earth.
Security:Okay...you need to leave
Stoner:I need to leave, you need to live man!...like the the oceans needs to recede, like the Gods in the sky need to cry man.
the security thinks in his mind..."this dude is fucking blitzed
Stoner:its like the president man, he's like black, and the world is now black, because he's black, and I'm Black
Security:But you're white
Stoner:Yeah Man!...Black and White, and the colors of the rainbow man, like how a mother gives birth naturally, in a tub of hot water...surrounded by mid wives, naked, loving, the husband does circles with his finger around her nipples to stimulate sensuality man...giving birth...is sensual, like the rainbow man.
Security:Dude, your flying aren't you
Stoner:I'm Flying man, I'm in the clouds, in the trees, with the birds...Quack! quack!
(he begins to walk like a duck)
The security guard looks at him and thinks "oh yeah! he's fucking gone"
Stoner:I called the Psychics of the world man, they're all coming here man, to bring the power and energy of the world, so we can talk to the Aliens, go shopping at their Malls in the milky way, make love, tender love in zero gravity, with the squid monster of the planet Labia.
Security:all right man...can you go do that someplace else though, not over here
Stoner:don't let the man get you down, get on my level man
Security:I'll get on your level after work..
Stoner:No man, right now
(the stoner pulls out a fat joint from his pocket)
Stoner:this right here is the key to unlock the whole mysteries of the universe of the mind, of the stars and the moon man!
the security guard eyeballs the joint, and then says to the stoner
Security:let's go around the back, there's a small area
The security guard leads the stoner to the back area, where there's a secluded guard shack, enclosed, with palm trees all around.
Stoner:wow! this is the garden of Eden Man, this is where God gave birth to Jesus man, and the bible.
Security:yeah, its all right...Spark it up
<10 minutes later>
Security:Like the farm animals man...like, they give milk like mothers man, and then they die man, because, we eat them and shit man...Circle of Life man, Mufasa.
Stoner: yeah man...like the winds blowing, you try to catch it with your hand, but its always empty man..like a soda can, on the side of the road, next to plastic bag..littering, empty.
<2 minutes later>
Security:this is some heavy shit man
Stoner I grow it myself<taking a puff from the joint>
Security:what do you use to grow it with?
Stoner:my shit...
Securty:what?
Stoner:I shit on my plants...I eat a lot of organic fruits and vegetables, then I shit in my plants.
Security: Organic Shit
Stoner: Yeah
Security: thats awesome man
Stoner: I water it with my piss too
Security:organic piss
<20 minutes later, sitting on chairs in front of the guard shack>
Security:I am falling down?
Stoner:you're sitting down man
Security:why is the Earth moving?
Stoner:did you make it angry?
<10 minutes later>
Security:and she was the first girl that let me touch her boobs
Stoner:but it was lop sided
Security:boobs is boobs man.
Stoner:How'd they feel?
Security:like Heaven man.
Stoner:ha ha!
(they both start laughing)
<20 minutes later, after another joint>
Security:like I know how it is man, like...its like trying to build a sand castle, and then the ocean takes it away at the end of the day man, and then like, the fucking rich people, they got like, 20 bedrooms, like, share man.
Stoner:right
Security:and then the fucking banks are like, hey..thats my house man...like, what...and then...they fucking start tripping balls if you like, have your hand out, if they had a knife, they're like..cut his hand off, like a butterfly loses its wings man, and they can't fly anymore man.
Stoner:right man!
Security:what the fuck am I talking about man
Stoner:I don't know man(starts laughing)
Security guard laughs along.
The security guard looks around
Security:its night time man
Stoner:How the fuck did that happen?
